Actions Not Reactions, Two lives

Notes: 1 / 8 months ago

Two lives | Alone.

It’s a frustrating feeling; living two lives, not intentionally of course, more so that’s how the cards have fallen for me. I feel as if one moment I have every eye and ear on me, watching my most subtle movements and listening to every murmur. The next, I’m nonexistent.

Going from tour, to thousands at Giants stadium, to hundreds and thousands of kids at Warped tour, all leading back to a life at a college I think is absolutely pathetic. I can’t stand being at the school I’m at, for I feel as if the education is a waste of time.

I feel alone, not the depressed-dark kind of alone, the, -I want to cry because I’m fucking bored- kind of alone. It’s a tough place to be in, especially with a fantastic girlfriend 2 hours away and no desire to hang out with people of the same sex. Thus I’m really left with no options other than awaiting her weekend arrivals and making my own mid week commute every so often.

I’ve never been one to need other people, and I feel as if the present is no different, however, with only a computer and phone to express how I feel I’m more or less hopeless.

I want that attention from being on stage again, I crave it, I truthfully need it to feel whole. I’ve created my self image on being this down to earth rockstar-like young adult without a care in the world, and all I can think about right now is how much I care that nobody else does. It’s quite the rut and I need a solution soon before I go insane, because truthfully, falling asleep at 10pm is not a practical solution.

I’m not perfect, not egotistical, not entirely maniacal. I am however human, and I do feel alone.

<3dan
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1. resistunlearndefy liked this
2. actionsnotreactions posted this

Two lives | Alone.

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